went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
