Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Your topless pictures make me question reality
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Randomize
