Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
