Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
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