speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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