So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Randomize