got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Randomize
