i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
