I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
I queefed so loud it echoed.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Everyone says I win the strip club
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Randomize
