saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
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