Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
You ruined the universe
I think i got beer on your cat.
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