all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
