I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
