mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
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