Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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