So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
