I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
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