you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Randomize
