Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
