dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I need moral support for this bender
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
