Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Randomize
