I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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