woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
