You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
