I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
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