dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Randomize
