i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I need a burrito and a hug.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
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