I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
