can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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