evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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