he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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