I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
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