My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
