i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
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