where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
