his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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