i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize