i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Randomize
