Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Randomize
