piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
