Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
