I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Randomize
