so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Randomize
