One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
