I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
