I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
