Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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