At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
So apparently I’m into choking now
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
