During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
