Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
