Whod you bang
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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