Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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