these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
