That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Someone shit on the floor
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
