Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
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