he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
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