I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
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