U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize