Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Randomize
