Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
