you're like a bully in the Christmas story
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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