Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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