I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
