I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
