I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
