We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
