I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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