y did u give ur computer a hand job?
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
