is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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