you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
