you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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