Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
