And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
