If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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