Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
