i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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