I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
