why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
what is it with giant penises always finding me
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Randomize