all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
