Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Randomize
