I'm jealous of your bromance
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
We need to get me chipped asap
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
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