I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Randomize
