My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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