I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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