If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
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