would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Randomize