I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
is that a dick in a sweater?
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
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