Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Randomize
