Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Randomize
