I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
3 2 1 whiskey
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
