there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
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