Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
