So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
