Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
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