the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
