he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
