once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Randomize
