im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
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