Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Even the bartender felt bad for me
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize
